this time last year was hard for me. i was readjusting to the world around me and it wasn’t easy at all. i’ve found that this time of year is not easy for anyone. there is so much stress the media and shops pile onto us that our holidays, christmases, new years -everything really- must be perfect. add all this to the shock of arriving home from a long trip, adjusting to summer from winter, new people in your old life, changes in almost everything around you that you were not prepared for and you get a difficult time. for me, you get a ball of anxiety so stressed and nervous about everything that even leaving the house is scary.
coming home from travelling is hard. it always is, no matter how long you were gone for. however i have definitely noticed a difference in returning home from a holiday and returning home from an extended trip. when you go for a holiday, the whole trip is based upon the idea that you’re not at home. you know when you’re going home and you’re prepared for it. you get homesick. but you have to beat it. you don’t want to waste time thinking about home when you’ll be there again very soon. you fight the feeling of homesickness with everything you have to make sure you have a nice time in the new place you are.
returning home from a long trip, the kind that you left and didn’t know when you were coming home or even if you were coming home is a whole new ball game. you’ve spent so much time and energy making this new place comfortable and homely and suddenly you have to up and leave again.you find new places to go regularly, things to do and see, you get used to your new home and the people around you. you put effort and thought into overcoming that feeling of desperate yearning to be somewhere familiar and replace the things you had in your life elsewhere with new memories.
you spend time thinking about home, imagining the way it is. hoping against all the odds that people are thinking about you just as much as you are thinking about them. and of course they aren’t. they have their lives to continue with. but for you, time has kind of stopped. this new place is full of the unfamiliar and some nights you just wish you were home with everything you know and everyone you love. but you make it through it by making your life and home here and creating these new memories.
coming home to everything you fought so hard to forget and replace is really hard. readjusting is difficult, time-consuming and frustrating. and you begin to notice things that you never wanted to, and things you were hoping wouldn’t happen. because the reality is, when you leave, everything else doesn’t stay the same.you’ve put yourself through so much to make yourself belong somewhere new, that the place you always used to belong and where you always thought you would feels foreign and new. you don’t belong there anymore either.
it takes a while to feel that again. you have to go through everything again. making habits and memories. new memories of your old home. but, at least i found, that through this you can learn what parts of yourself you need. what parts you want to keep. what parts of yourself you want to take with you to make the new memories and belong again.
all my love,